War Time

When I am weak, He is strong.
This morning, I am reading in Psalm 27.  Verse 3 "Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident."

I have often said that the 5 o'clock hour is just brutal. Tired mom, crazy kids, dinner needs to be fixed, Dad on his way home. I try and create a peaceful atmosphere, and sacred haven for my husband to come home to...and it's a crazy battle with the kids, the dog, the hunger, etc.  Usually this is the block of time where my "make good food choices" goes right out the window....I snack, I eat mindlessly. So, last night, I was ready....I prayed asked God for help, told Him how weak I was, cried out......

Then there was this sneak attack.   I was tired, and hungry and as I was making a healthy dinner, waiting patiently for husband to arrive.  He arrives safely (Praise the Lord)...his drive is 90 miles one way.
So, he arrives, I start to fix plates, and the kids are RUNNING WILD..... I lost it.
So there, I am healthy dinner and all, screaming..... UGH.
Sacred haven gone, peaceful setting gone..... absolute sneak attack.  self-control????? hahahhahahhaha

Going back to this verse:
Though an army (kids, barking dog) besiege me,
my heart will not fear:
though war (kids that are loud, wild, speaking a different language, because they surely are not listening to me) break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

I am SO desperate for Jesus. So desperate.  I spend a wonderful time with my Heavenly Father in the morning, and afterwards, I feel loved, confident, strong, I feel ready to go out an love the world, Ready to encourage everyone I see.  I am not that same woman at 5 pm.  AND God is unchanging, He's the same. He is still in control. I have just obviously lost focus. MY eyes are no longer on Jesus, they are on the mountain, or the war......

Today, before that "crazy" hour arrives and it always does. I am going to make a cup of hot tea, and crawl right back up into my Father's lap, and sit with Him and fill up, so I can go back to the family, he has given me, so that I may love them as He has asked me to. That woman I am at 5pm has a grumpy face and I don't like her too much.

Abba,
I know you love me so much, I just don't really have any idea how deep that love is.  I need you so desperately.  Please nudge me this afternoon to come to you. I want to love my family well. I don't like when I lose control, I hate screaming. Please forgive me, Lord, wash me clean with the blood of Jesus, give me clean hands and a pure heart to do your will.  I need you so much Lord, I cannot possibly live this life following after Jesus without Him.  Moment by moment, dependent on God. Lord, I pray in your most precious and Holy name, Amen .

Incase you are wondering, I did speak to both toddlers and apologize for my awful behavior. I explained to the kids that I behave badly sometimes and I need God's forgiveness too.  It was a great teaching moment.  We ALL stumble in many ways, and our Heavenly Father is right there, with open loving arms, ready to forgive us and wash us clean. PRAISE HIM!!!